Most dating advice fails men because it teaches performance rather than formation.
It treats attraction as something to be engineered through behaviors — lines to say, signals to send, patterns to follow — instead of as a natural response to who a man is and how he moves through the world.
This approach is appealing because it promises control. If you say the right thing, at the right time, in the right way, you should get the desired outcome. But what it actually produces is self-consciousness. A man who is constantly monitoring his behavior cannot be present. He is acting, not relating.
Over time, this creates anxiety.
Performance-based advice trains men to look outward for validation rather than inward for grounding. Every interaction becomes a test. Every response becomes data. Instead of developing confidence, men become dependent on feedback loops they do not control.
The deeper problem is that attraction does not respond well to performance.
Women are highly sensitive to incongruence — the gap between what a man is projecting and what he actually feels. When words, tone, and intent are misaligned, it is felt immediately, even if it cannot be articulated.
Real confidence is quieter than most advice suggests. This is explored in more detail in Confidence Is Not Performance
It does not announce itself. It does not rush. It is not eager to impress. It comes from having a life that feels ordered, directed, and internally coherent.
Courtship, then, is not a separate skill to be mastered. It is the relational expression of a man’s character.
A better question than “What should I say?” is “What kind of man would naturally say less, mean more, and not need the outcome?” The practical expression of this appears in Meeting Women Without Games.